I've decided to continue on my parade of Lori. It's a lucky thing too, because I had completely forgotten about this blog entirely, just as I had predicted, and it wasn't until my friend shared her blog with me that I remembered. I decided to update before any more time passed.
It's funny how people come in to your life like they own it, and then go out of it and take everything with them. It doesn't always end like that, and even when it does, that's not always the way it remains. People grow and change, and you realize that the same person you couldn't stand or couldn't live without a few years ago is actually pretty good at being a friend all of the sudden. I thought I had lost the world when my ex and I broke up a few years ago. Over time, however, I've come to realize you can't lose what you never had. He wasn't the world, and losing him should have never been so devastating. That kind of devastation should be reserved for Chernobyl or 9-11 type incidents, not short-lived, superficial, every day life. You know you are out of touch with reality when the loss of your unbetrothed lover would parallel the end of the world for you. Don't get me wrong, it should still hurt. It should feel bad to loose the time and effort and love that once was, but it shouldn't douse the fire of hope inside of you. It should be a pathway to new love, better love. I'm glad it was for me (eventually), and I hope it will be for him. Love shouldn't ruin people. It should help them grow. It is meant to make life sweeter, not more bitter. Make sure you take from each relationship the things that will help you grow and make you better. Otherwise, all the time and love spent, and all the effort and pain wasted, is all for naught. I'm glad I finally learned that lesson, even if it took me years to do it.
With that out of the way, I'm so thankful for my friends. I need new ones, because I don't have that many, and most of them aren't with me a lot, but I'm glad I have them none the less. I need friends. We all do. We need help going through life, and we need to help other people too. Otherwise you only get the one side of life. Selfish people and people who give everything up for charity are the same to me. Both types of people live life in 1 dimension. Neither get the benefits of the other side and neither are balanced as people. Every person struggles to find a balance of giving and taking, and both can be hard to do for some people. Personally, I'm more of a giver than a taker. I feel like I have a duty to give, like I am supposed to, but at the same time, I feel good when I do it. It feels good helping, giving, being nice. You form a bond with a person you give too, like you and (s)he now share this intimate detail of each others lives and are connected in a subtle but huge way. Only you two know the magnitude of the effect you had on that persons life, and it's a sweet secret, like being in the VIP club. I hate it when people expect me to give, because then it isn't fulfilling anymore. Then I'm doing it to fill a quota, or meet expectations. It's not a bonus anymore, just an inconvenience. At the same time, I often have to force myself to take. I don't like being an inconvenience to people, because in a perfect world, I would have everyone maintain an impeccable image of me. I don't want to expect anything, because then I would be taking away the bonus for them. It is good to feel like you were given something because someone wanted to give it to you rather than because you expected it of them and they felt obligated.
None of this really had a strong purpose, and it doesn't really transition well, but I'm not writing an English paper, and you're still reading it, so you can struggle through the rough parts. I'm done for now. Go away.
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